Types Of Forgiveness

Long time no post. I've been busy the last few months, and while I've thought of many things to write about, I never got around to making the time to do so. I have some time on my hands now, so I figured I'd post something...I might even post more over the next few days. So count yourself warned :)

It seems to me that I've been hearing a lot of talk about forgiveness the last several weeks. Sermons at church, daily e-mails I get, various threads I read on forums, etc.

OK...Lord, I know I'm dense, but You can stop dropping large rocks on my head now. I get it :)

Or at least I'm starting to get it. I've given quite a bit of thought to the whole concept of forgiveness lately. Forgiveness is one of the central themes of the Bible. Jesus spoke of it at length, and even demonstrated it by His sacrifice.

Pretty much everyone has heard the Lord's Prayer - the part that goes "And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive everyone that is indebted to us." (Luke 11:4, KJV).

Peter asked Christ how many times he had to forgive someone who came to him repentant. Seven times? Jesus answered "I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21, KJV).

The church generally interprets 70 times 7 to mean endlessly. I'm not sure if that particular phrase was a Greek idiom of the time meaning without end, or simply an allegory. In either case, it's pretty clear to me that we are to forgive as often as someone asks us to.

All well and good, you might say. Or you might not. I don't think there's a lot of wiggle room in the scriptures to allow us to not forgive. If God says the only unforgivable sin is rejecting the Holy Spirit (and by extension, God and Christ and eternal salvation), it would be pretty hard to think of a case where one human could not forgive another.

Of course, as with everything, there's free will. We can choose to forgive, or choose not to. Forgiveness demonstrates love, and is in keeping with Christ's commandment that we love others as He has loved us.

I believe that the act of forgiving also has a practical side to it. When we don't forgive someone, does it really affect that person? Maybe. Maybe not. It does, however, leave you open to resentment, bitterness, anger and all other sorts of negative emotions that don't change the situation. It can also have a negative effect on those around you that you care about, and your relationships with them.

Which brings me to the subject of my post. I'm come to the conclusion that there are two types of forgiveness between one human and another.

The first type is when someone has hurt you and they come to you, sincerely sorry, apologetic, and ask for your forgiveness.

The second type is when someone has hurt you and gives no indication that they are aware of it, that they care, or that they are sorry. They may feel those things but be too ashamed or fearful to tell you, or they may genuinely have no compassion for others feelings. Whatever the case may be, you can still forgive them and let the past go. In this case, it's really not about the other person. It's about you - demonstrating Christ-like love to those who wronged you.

The first type can be easier than the second, though that depends on the situation. The second type can be harder, especially if the issue at hand is important to you. One might argue that forgiveness is even more important in this case. Why? Because the person who wronged you is not going to do anything to help you heal, and holding on to bitterness and anger will only eat you up.

Some of you may be thinking that my whole take on forgiveness can make you into a doormat. I disagree. Forgiveness does not always equal restoration.

If you have an employee who steals a hundred thousand dollars from you, and later comes back to apologize and return the money, you are commanded to forgive them. However, you are not commanded to restore or maintain a relationship with them. Sin has consequences - even with forgiveness.

Take a more extreme example. Say you’re a parent and someone molests your child. You can (and certainly, in my opinion, should) forgive them. However, that doesn't mean you want that person anywhere near your kid again in this lifetime.

So...two types of forgiveness. Both are similar (in that it sets you free), yet different.

I find myself with the opportunity, or perhaps challenge, to practice both types. I can tell you it’s not easy. And it takes time, and work, and a healthy dose of help from God. I will get there, that I know.